Monday, April 23, 2012

Most Common Things

Most common thing I say out loud, to myself, in no particular order.

Good girl
Go potty
Go poop
Molly Molly Molly Molly Molly Molly Molly
Pretty girl
So sweet
Damn, that is a pretty sweet Earth you might say. ROUND.
Where's my husband?
Have I lost my mind?

The first eight may not actually qualify as things I say to myself, simply because they are most often directed towards my dog, Molly. However, I included them here simply because a dog, while wonderful, and fun, and awesome, can't talk back.

As for "Where's my husband?", it's not that my husband randomly runs off to go to strip clubs or shady hotel rooms, but that I often find myself playing impromptu games of hide-and-go-seek with him. Neither of us are aware we are playing, certainly not him, but it's often a lively game that begins something like this: Josh goes outside. I'm sitting around, reading or on the computer or whathaveyou, and 10 minutes go by. Then 20, then 30, and I find myself saying "Where's my husband?" So I get up and wander around the house calling "Josh?" and looking in all his favorite places. The bathroom, his room (not really his room, just where he keeps all his crap. And no I'm not one of those wives who takes all his favorite things and sticks him in a Man Cave so I don't have to see his Man Crap. He is in the Army and therefor has a lot of Army Crap and the only solution was to give him his own room to house said Crap.), the garage. With each new place coming up empty my calls of "Josh?" come out weaker, and weaker, and more confused, and unsure, and small. When I don't find him in any of these places I begin looking in weird places just because I am a believer in the theory that when you can't find something, it's probably in the most unexpected places. So I start opening closets and looking under the bed, as you can likely tell, he is an excellent hider. When those places come up lacking, which is always, I go outside since I remember I heard or saw him go outside. So I look in the backyard, the front yard, check to make sure the cars are there, then the neighbors yard, usually if he is not in any of the first 15 places, he will be in the neighbors gazebo. In the rare instances where I still haven't found him, I'll go back to the house with the intention of calling him, I'll take one last quick look around just to make sure, and that's when I find him, in the bathroom, or lounging on the couch, and I begin to wonder "Have I lost my mind?" or "Has my husband discovered teleportation? We'll be rich!". Then I say "There you are!" acting as if I have won this round, finally, but truth be told, he made it to home base and I lose again.

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